Jean-Pierre Aniorte

Reminding Robin Williams…

robin williams

You’re only given one little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
We’ve had cloning in the South for years. It’s called cousins.
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.
The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, ‘Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.’ She’s got a baseball bat and yelling, ‘You want a piece of me?’
Ah, yes, divorce… from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.
Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it ‘all the money,’ but they changed it to ‘alimony.’ It’s ripping your heart out through your wallet.
A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills, no, no. They’d make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.
Cricket is basically baseball on valium.
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was… a large Arctic region covered with ice.
What’s right is what’s left if you do everything else wrong.
Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn’t work!
We have a president [George W. Bush] for whom English is a second language. He’s like ‘We have to get rid of dictators,’ but he’s pretty much one himself.
People say satire is dead. It’s not dead; it’s alive and living in the White House.
When you look at Prince Charles, don’t you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?
I love kids, but they are a tough audience.
The problem is, God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Politics: “Poli” a Latin word meaning « many » and « tics » meaning « bloodsucking creatures ».
“We’re dealing with fundamentalists… the Amish are fundamentalists, but they don’t try and hijack a carriage at needlepoint. And, if you’re ever in Amish country and you see a man with his hand buried in a horse’s ass, that’s a mechanic. Remember that.”
“[Before opening an envelope for best supporting actress]
I feel like Adam when he said to Eve, `Back up, I don’t know how big this gets.”
“You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) ‘It’s the same sex all the time.’”
“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.”
“Mickey Mouse to a three-year-old is a six-foot-tall RAT!”
“I believe that once we are all gone, Keith Richards will still be here…with 5 cockroaches saying ‘you know I smoked your uncle, did you know that?’”
“When in doubt, go for the dick joke.”
“[on Michael Jackson] : Honey, you gotta pick a race first. All of a sudden you’re a black man, then you’re Diana Ross, now you’re Audrey Hepburn. Then he’s got the little beard going on. He’s like Lord Of The Rings, the entire cast. Michael’s about to jump species.”
“Comedy is acting out optimism.”
“. . . when you have a great audience, you can just keep going and finding new things.”
I always wanted to play a big, black man, but that would cost too much make-up.
“The only weapon we have is comedy.”
On stage you’re free. You can say and do things that if you said and did any place else, you’d be arrested.
I’d like to start the show by showing you something I’m very proud of. You’ll have to step back, though.
Politicians are a lot like diapers. They should be changed frequently, and for the same reasons.
I can see it now: Osama bin Laden goes up to the pearly gates where George Washington comes out, starts beating him and is then joined by 70 other members of the Continental Congress. Osama will say, « Hey, wait! Where are my 71 virgins? » And George will reply « It’s 71 Virginians, you asshole! »
You’re still young. Being a true loser takes years of inaptitude.
I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.
Inside of you, there’s a fashion model just waiting to throw up.
The Chinese had accused the Tibetans of being terrorists, which is weird. A Tibetan terrorist is like an Amish hacker. It just doesn’t fit.
Death – to blink for an exceptionally long period of time.
Every human being has an impact on another.
You have to break in half to love somebody.
And if you want a linguistic adventure, go drinking with a Scotsman. Cause you can’t fucking understand them before.
You know what music is – a harmonic connection between all living beings.
Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go « omg, omg, wtf, zzz »? Is that rude?
God, maybe instead of resting on the seventh day you should have thought about compassion.
Spielberg is so powerful he had final cut at his own circumcision.
I had sex with a prostitute when I was 21, I was so bad, she gave me a refund.
For a while you get mad, then you get over it.

Jean-Pierre Aniorte

Reminding Robin Williams…

You’re only given one little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

We’ve had cloning in the South for years. It’s called cousins.

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, ‘Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.’ She’s got a baseball bat and yelling, ‘You want a piece of me?’

Ah, yes, divorce… from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.

Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it ‘all the money,’ but they changed it to ‘alimony.’ It’s ripping your heart out through your wallet.

A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills, no, no. They’d make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was… a large Arctic region covered with ice.

What’s right is what’s left if you do everything else wrong.

Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn’t work!

We have a president [George W. Bush] for whom English is a second language. He’s like ‘We have to get rid of dictators,’ but he’s pretty much one himself.

People say satire is dead. It’s not dead; it’s alive and living in the White House.

When you look at Prince Charles, don’t you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?

I love kids, but they are a tough audience.

The problem is, God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Politics: “Poli” a Latin word meaning « many » and « tics » meaning « bloodsucking creatures ».

“We’re dealing with fundamentalists… the Amish are fundamentalists, but they don’t try and hijack a carriage at needlepoint. And, if you’re ever in Amish country and you see a man with his hand buried in a horse’s ass, that’s a mechanic. Remember that.”

“[Before opening an envelope for best supporting actress]

I feel like Adam when he said to Eve, `Back up, I don’t know how big this gets.”

“You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) ‘It’s the same sex all the time.’”

“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.”

“Mickey Mouse to a three-year-old is a six-foot-tall RAT!”

“I believe that once we are all gone, Keith Richards will still be here…with 5 cockroaches saying ‘you know I smoked your uncle, did you know that?’”

“When in doubt, go for the dick joke.”

“[on Michael Jackson] : Honey, you gotta pick a race first. All of a sudden you’re a black man, then you’re Diana Ross, now you’re Audrey Hepburn. Then he’s got the little beard going on. He’s like Lord Of The Rings, the entire cast. Michael’s about to jump species.”

“Comedy is acting out optimism.”

“. . . when you have a great audience, you can just keep going and finding new things.”

I always wanted to play a big, black man, but that would cost too much make-up.

“The only weapon we have is comedy.”

On stage you’re free. You can say and do things that if you said and did any place else, you’d be arrested.

I’d like to start the show by showing you something I’m very proud of. You’ll have to step back, though.

Politicians are a lot like diapers. They should be changed frequently, and for the same reasons.

You’re still young. Being a true loser takes years of inaptitude.

I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.

Inside of you, there’s a fashion model just waiting to throw up.

The Chinese had accused the Tibetans of being terrorists, which is weird. A Tibetan terrorist is like an Amish hacker. It just doesn’t fit.

Death – to blink for an exceptionally long period of time.

Every human being has an impact on another.

You have to break in half to love somebody.

And if you want a linguistic adventure, go drinking with a Scotsman. Cause you can’t fucking understand them before.

You know what music is – a harmonic connection between all living beings.

Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go « omg, omg, wtf, zzz »? Is that rude?

God, maybe instead of resting on the seventh day you should have thought about compassion.

Spielberg is so powerful he had final cut at his own circumcision.

I had sex with a prostitute when I was 21, I was so bad, she gave me a refund.

For a while you get mad, then you get over it.

So sad today…

« You’re only given one little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it. » Robin Williams

Oyez, oyez !

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« You’re only given one little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it. »
Robin Williams